How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
