Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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