Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
