Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
