I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
