is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
