Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
