He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
