I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
