More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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