Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
