youre lurking in front of me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
