the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
