i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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