He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
