I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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