So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
