just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
