I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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