I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
