Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
