No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
