I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
