I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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