I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
