i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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