Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
