i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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