Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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