Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
