he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
