Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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