yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
