had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
time to smoke my breakfast
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
