i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You can't just leave with hair like that
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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