Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
