i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
