I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
