Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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