Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
be right there i have to get my cape
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
