She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize