i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
