My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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