you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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