I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
