even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize