my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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