i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Randomize
