Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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