every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
