Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
