I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
