He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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