im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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