I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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