Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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