i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
