would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
