She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
