Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
