I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
