So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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