he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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