We won't sleep together?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
