that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We left the knife in your bed.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We need to get me chipped asap
Just puked most of my soul out..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
