Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
